Take piano, violin, tennis, swimming and Tibetan throat-singing lessons. Win every award there is in the book. Well, you're a talented little bugger. Of course you should develop those talents. At the same time, there's an opportunity cost associated with achievement. Time spent studying, doing homework, and practicing the violin is time not spent doing other things -- like chasing boys or girls, which turns out is fairly instrumental in making you a well-rounded human.
The upshot of all that achievement is that you get into a top college -- congratulations! Dating is at best another extracurricular, number six or number seven down the list, somewhere between Model UN and intramural badminton. I've been co-hosting young alumni events for name-brand schools for long enough to know that these kids come out a little lopsided which sounds so much better than "socially awkward," don't you think? All they need is a little tune up, or a little dating textbook like The Tao of Dating for Women or The Tao of Dating for Men , to get them going -- plus a little practice.
Of course, as noted above, things only get worse once you graduate. And if you're frustrated with your love life, you just might try to compensate by working harder and achieving even more to fill that void. Left untreated, this condition can go on for decades. I know people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who still haven't figured out how to create an intimate connection with another human being. Smart people feel that they're entitled to love because of their achievements. For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results.
Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents. So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls or boys will like me. Please say I'm right, because I've spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I'm going to be really bummed if you tell me it's not going to get me laid.
Well, it's not going to get you laid, brother or sister. It may get you a first date, but it's probably not going to get you a second date. And it certainly won't bring you lasting love and fulfillment. Your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel. And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare.
In other words, you need to earn love or at least lust. Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment or put-down , giving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy.
Dating A Smart Woman - AskMen
I wrote a whole page book about that, so that's a story for a different day. You don't feel like a fully-realized sexual being and therefore don't act like one. At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person. From then on, that was your principal identity: Especially if you had a sibling who was better looking than you, in which case she or he was The Pretty One. And yes, you do sound misogynistic. This is a tough one because not many village people. But you know, you go to like a village in rural Cambodia or something and you find a wife there and she might still cook better than you.
And yes, you are a misogynist. You are espousing misogynistic views you or yourself can change. Alright, so David Tian signing out on those strong words. Really, I hope you take it with humility that you will learn to appreciate women as human beings and not feel like you have to beat them at the game to enjoy them and be able to learn.
A great humbling experience is just do a fucking Ph. And it really — it really helps — it helped me a lot not to even try to bother in proving my intelligence. So just go with the honesty. If you know it, say what you know. I loved that and that was great. So go to Oxford and hang out with reputed shades. Alright, so simple as that. I keep trying to keep this short. It is a hard form to answer questions quickly.
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Connect with David Tian here: You are statistically unlikely to be the smartest person on the planet. If you're not hanging around with people you find as smart or smarter on one dimension or another then that may have more to do with where you feel comfortable. You don't get better by staying somewhere where you're already on top. Being "smart" is relative. In what area is she smart? There are many types of intelligence. MMA fighters or Bikers are physically smart, musicians are smart in terms of auditory senses and so and so forth. In a relationship, as applies to any other aspect in life, we have our roles to play.
'I wouldn’t trade her love for anything.'
One major pitfall is to compare each other and make up for your weakness instead of focusing and honing your strengths. Assuming you have a healthy relationship, her being "smart" doesn't mean anything and should not affect you in any way. She will ultimately depend on you leading her in the relationship. She will depend on you to stand up for her when she feels bad. She delights in you when you share your stories.
Dating A Smart Woman
She feels comfortable when you listen to her even if you don't understand what she is saying. Be a man for her.
- People Explain What It's Like To Have A Partner Who's Significantly Less Intelligent Than Them.
- sa dating zone.
- joshua harris i kissed dating goodbye part 1 - love!
The frankness of the question caught me by surprise. I don't think I can help you though as I'm not one of those poeple you mention. There's tons of better programmers around the office and most of them are my friends so I'm quite at home with not being the smartest person on the planet. There's more to life than solving problems, as long as you enjoy your time together who cares. It bothers me though when people try to invent different types of intellect as some sort of consolation prize. Accept that people are different, life's too short to be comparing penis sizes all your life.
UnoriginalGuy on Sept 10, Doesn't your first sentence contradict your second one? Or at least the spirit of the two seems contradictory. The multiple intelligence theory is fairly popular and to be fair it is fairly decent too. As you yourself said people are different and they have different skills. Intelligence or "smarts" are just vague terms without concrete meanings. It is only in recent times that we decided to measure them using either general knowledge "gameshow trivia" or mathematical skill. But for most of human history I bet the most celebrated person in the village would be measured using other yard sticks e.
CyberFonic on Sept 10, She isn't that smart if she is dating a jerk with self-esteem issues! Some of the greatest scientists in their mature years acknowledged that there was far more which they didn't know than what they did. Being smart is more about learning and growing as a human being. Not just winning some variant of Trivial Pursuit. Maybe this could become a stretch goal for both of you. Best wishes for a terrific shared adventure.
I appreciate this wake up call. I don't think I have problems accepting criticism and I think I deserve it here. My ex was much smarter than me. Top of her computer science class as a woman was no mean feat with one of the highest overall grades in the department's history. Jumped straight from B. She has a couple of papers published concerning language processing. We got on well and she helped me through a dreary computer science bachelors course, for which I am very grateful.
We went our separate ways afterwards for a variety of reasons all non-related to the fact that she was smarter than I was. Though incredibly smart, she had her own failings. If you have a self-esteem problem with your girlfriend being smarter than you, then that is your problem. Put another way, if you were smarter than her, do you think that would be a problem for her? Look to find areas where you can complement your girlfriend. You'll soon realize you have talents where she doesn't and vice versa.
Embrace them and her! My advice in life is not to worry about intelligence when it comes to love. Everyone is capable of learning beyond there current capacity and no knowledge is unobtainable or incomprehensible if you have the motivation to learn. Intelligence only affects the time it takes to comprehend an idea and perhaps even extend that idea into innovation. People all have their things they are intelligent at.
What you need to do is examine the qualities about you that makes her attracted to you. If shes a smart girl and she knows what she personally wants out of a relationship dont let your self esteem ruin that because you assume she is looking for a rocket scientist boyfriend. Chances are she has dated smart guys and believe it or not. Smart guys tend to be just as egotistical and insecure as anybody else even if they have everything going for them.
The thing about smart guys like this, is that they like to feel like they are the smartest thing that walked into the room and that their opinions and theories are the one and only true way of processing information. They would feel threatened by the woman and try to make himself better than her, usually by manipulating her self esteem. This does happen more often then we would like to admit and women in today's age, especially a smart one just wants to be recognized for the characteristics that define her. You are already showing a quality she probably values in you by identifying the fact that she is intelligent and that is a value worth appreciating in a woman.
Which I must say, speaks alot for your own intelligence and sense of maturity. Just listen to what she says because intelligent people love to share the things they know and be asked questions. Discussions and perhaps even a little debating. Dont stress the details when it comes to romance. Just love every minute of it and focus on providing for your partners emotional needs and always encourage them to improve themselves in life. Thats what makes a successful long lasting relationship, not this notion of being the "alpha" male that society likes to sell us on.
Sure there are woman like that in the world. But they tend to be the kind who ends up valuing the opinions on the Jersey Shore as apposed to the opinions held by leading research scientists in the world. AntoPaz on Sept 10, I had a really exceptional girlfriend extremely smart, successful and beautiful - and married her.
In general you should see it as a success.
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Most people only date the next-best-fit, you found someone you admire. CyberFonic on Sept 11, Your comment suggests, and I concur, that you could find out what she finds attractive about you and then making sure that you don't drop the ball on that and related areas. You need to remember that beauty handsomeness is in the eyes of the beholder. Sustaining some shared interests is also very important.
That's a cute idea actually.